Friends and Acquaintances
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Respected Sensei Who Doesn't Get Bugged Anymore Cause I Can't Bug Him
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Brother in Blood
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Beloved Girlfriend-Fiancee- Thank you dear for the idea. I'll work a new vector on it.
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JOURNAL ENTRY
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PASSAGE OF TIME, NEW HEIGHTS, RE-FOUND FEELINGS
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WARNING: THE FOLLOWING JOURNAL CONTAINS MANY MUSINGS.

It feels like I've been away forever, thought its been about a month since I last came here. Its... a surprising feeling, and one that makes me feel older than I am, and yet younger. Yes, its strange. Time passes so slowly everyday, probably due to work ^_^", and yet the weeks soar by unexpectedly. The months come by, rolling about in the grass, some quick, some slow. It feels like yesterday since I started working, about 9 months ago, but it feels like an eternity since I've been here.

It feels like its been forever since I vectored, but the days number much less. It feels like I've been vectoring since forever, but my memories tells me I picked it up 2 years ago. And that feels like yesterday.

I remember the drawings I did as a child, when I started drawing everyday, as though it was yesterday. I remember the school hallways, the people I met, the tears I shed, the smiles I smiled. It feels like yesterday. But all at once, it feels like what it is: 10 years ago.

Time is... strangely moved, to me. Everything feels like everything else, all at once, and never at the same time. Is it age, or is it just the musings and realizations of a 20 year old? I wonder, amused, but never truly caring for it. But I truly muse and wonder.

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When I look at my old vectors, and I look at my new ones, there is, I believe, a profound difference in that time. I have lost my skills at making intricate Pathfinder objects, like the Shatter Heart in All Grown Up. But I have gotten the ability to make things like Lady in Red's compass. Is it a good trade off? I wonder, amused by it all.

There are times when I long to re-do what I used to, to make art as of old. But I always fail, and I realize that I've taken a step forward, and so have left behind me that which has past. I've taken on the challenge of high lighting Renegade_Endured's hair, doing what I never did before, remembering Shiro all the while, for that I never gave her. I wonder. I wonder. I wonder.

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My heart is in the past, my will the present, and my thoughts the future. And collectively, I am nowhere, but in my mind, and heart and soul, walking all the while forward, for its the only road. But I am everywhere all at once, in the waking world, and in the dreaming, functioning in both, scattered and collected.

It is maddening sometimes, but it keeps me sane, and awake, for my mind forever breathes to me ideas, and thoughts, collections of memories and what ifs, never ending, never tiring. My artist block is never when I have no ideas. It is when I have too many, and I am buried in them.

It is exhilarating.

Recently, I found tracks in my computer long lost and buried, and listening to them gave me feelings and emotions I thought long lost, for they were build up on those songs, assisting me in my capture of emotions, holding on, riding on.

It is ecstasy, unending.

But I merely smile and shrug, for it is now hard for me to don on the emotions once ruling my heart and my works. I feel old and tired at times, recalling the high feelings I rode on my youth and stored in my heart, unleashing it all in my art. But I am only twenty. Have I aged too quickly? I think not. I hope not. I know not.

Perhaps it is my constant musings that have left me to feel such. But if it is so, the musings which have made me are unmaking me, and thus my boon and my bane.

Perhaps. Just perhaps.

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